2006
L. is sick so we're going to miss little S.B's birthday party today. She turns 3 next week and we missed her party last year. It's not like we've planned this but it still makes me feel a bit stupid. When Leon is doing better the first thing we will do is make our own celebration for her. Put on Konichiwa Bitches or Pokerface and sing and dance with her while eating loads of ice cream (throw some wine and vodka in there and it sounds like my birthday parties).
Talking about birthdays, L. turns 3 in less than a month, which means that it's time for me to get nostalgic. But there's a problem... I have too much to cope with as it is, without looking back and making me go through all of that again. Although I could look at it like this: I was in a situation I thought I'd never get out of. How was I to raise a child on my own? I knew nothing about babies but when I look back at it now I don't see all the negative and difficult things.
I remember pacing the corridors of the hospital with a piece of cloth on my shoulder with L's head resting on it, my arm around his waist and my hand tapping his bum in a light, steady beat. I talked to him quietly and kissed his head. I told him about the weather outside, about the world cup we were going to watch on TV later and that he was going to wear his new Sweden-shirt he got from his godmother. Every inch of me was aching after giving birth the day before but he was finally here. My baby had arrived and nothing felt more natural than us being together, just him and me. So it all worked out in the end. Could that be true for everything?
