The rain bullies no one
When I woke up this morning, I felt so good and so happy that I put on my sweats, dropped Leon off at Playschool and then me and my umbrella took a long walk in the rain. We walked through my suburb and out of it, on streets I hadn't walked on for years. The sound of the rain clattering on my umbrella made me feel so peaceful and at ease. It's always been like that.
When I was a child I loved to stand in the rain, looking right up at it with squinting eyes, trying to get as much rain on my face as possible. The rain and I are the same. We collect all this anger, happiness; all of these feelings and when the time is right, we let it all out. It helped me once when I was picked on in school. It was in Germany, 1993, a ten year old girl that hated everything about school at that time was on her way to it, just to get picked on the second she entered. But not this day. I remember that the rain felt heavy when it fell on me and I knew that the bullies were going to make fun of me because my ears were sticking out from my flat hair more than usual. So I stopped walking, looked up, squinted and let the rain soak me right through. I skipped school that day and when I came home after being outside in the cold breeze all day I had a cold. So the rain saved me from school for a whole week and I was so thankful lying in bed hearing its familiar clattering on my window. Thank you rain, you don't bully anyone.
My ears still stick out from under my hair, but I've learned to live with it.
That was really beautiful (specially the part about collecting anger and happiness), even though it´s sad.
And I never noticed anything about your ears.
I like the rain too.
/Linda
You're wonderful. I'm sorry you had to go through everything you went through. Funny things is I get a rush of bittersweet memories walking up and down the streets of where we lived and used to go to school. On the one hand, it was such a simple life but on the other hand it felt like a prison. No child should have to fear going to school because they're being picked on and ridiculed and yet so many children face those fears everyday.
I say bittersweet because the tears I've shed for the little girl who felt so ugly and lonely have subsided, I feel empowered. It reminds me that I'm no longer that scared little girl and while parts of her will always remain in me, there is a strong, beautiful, smart and very, very angry woman to protect her. We've grown up and thank God that we never have to get back and we that we have control of our lives now.
I love this blog of yours, hope you don't mind me reading it. I just want to remind you that I think you're absolutely amazing for having gone through everything you've gone through (and I barely know half of it) and still be able to find pleasure in the simple things in life, like rain :)
Thank you and thank you! This is why I write this blog. I've gone through alot of shit and it doesn't seem to stop, but I still stay positive and say "bring it on" to life. Thank you for noticing that marieh! It means alot to me.
No one should have to be bullied but the truth is some of us are. But ALL of us get stronger from it. If we survive that short (feels like a lifetime though) period of time, we become awesome! :)
And Linda, thank you! :) We've always seen eachother in this neighbourhood, grown up together but never really known eachother. I think we are more alike than we ever knew. And not just the rain part. ;)
