Starting to wither
The physical pain I have to endure every day is killing me mentally. When I got home earlier today after having picked up a package at the post office I had a sandwich. A Kalles kaviar sandwich and a glass of milk. Three minutes later I started cramping and after 45 minutes, when it was done, I started crying. Not because I was tired after the pain, this was a short session, but because I felt sorry for myself. And ladies and gentlemen, when you start feeling sorry for yourself it's like a boxer throwing in the towel. COME ON BEX! Don't let it break you down. You've gone ten years with this and now they know what it is, and they will fix it. They must fix it!
So I wont be an idiot an give in, I just have to complain about it. Because it hurts, right down in to my freaking soul, it hurts! It hurts that I sometimes have to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. It hurts not being able to live a normal life because of this. But there are only a few months, weeks, days left. It's been a decade Bex, you can wait.
Girls, do you remember that episode of Sex and the city where Carrie phones Miranda from Paris? She tells Miranda that she's picturing how it would feel like to be in Paris with Big instead of the Russian. Well, that's where I am now. I'm picturing doing everything with that man I miss so much. In a perfect world he would fly in from his country and stand in the doorway to my house when I get down picking up my mail in the morning. But this isn't a perfect world, and he will never stand there. I just had to write about him again since he just visited my thoughts while I sat on the bus an hour ago. The bus took me through this beautiful town of mine and I would be so proud to show it to him. I would be proud to show this town to anyone. It's gorgeous!
Herrooo Stockholm! It's Hans Brix calling!
