Scream
I've got a lump of anxiety stuck in my throat and it used to be because I missed him so much but now it's a mixture of that and being worried after what we talked about. In 16 days I go to England again and there's nothing I'm looking forward to more. But it will be 16 days of anxiety because I don't know what's going to happen. I know I can't anything from the Future God now since I've worked hard trying to convince the Weather God... But I would want a small glimpse of the future, just a tiny one that would tell me: don't worry, you're his. That would be nice.
I'm sorry for being distant and not writing but I've been having long meetings with the Weather God and seriously peeps, we got it! The deal is signed, sealed and delivered. I've got it riiight here *pats left pocket*. You're welcome everybody, now go out and enjoy the lovely weather I've worked so hard for us to get!
I have to shower and get ready for tonight when I'm going over to my brother's house. I certainly hope that they will make me think less of what happened last night. 
I was caught in between heaven and hell for, what felt like, the longest time. Now it's like I'm back and screaming just doesn't do it for me. I've treated myself like shit and now I have to feel remorse towards him too, and not just me. Can't he just drag me off the bridge and be with me.
