moving on and moving forward
Big holiday in Sweden this weekend. Midsommar arrived this Friday right on time, as it usually does. People with flowers in their hair, loads of beer and vodka and of course some singing about small frogs and foxes walking on the ice. This one stayed at home though. Lying in bed for most of the time, watching The Sopranos on dvd and talking on the phone with that man. So despite the hot flushes and the shivering from the fever it turned out to be a good Midsommar for this girl too.
Everything is changing here and I get scared. I'm so scared that I don't even want to admit it to myself. My baby boy turned three a week ago and now he's not just my baby boy anymore, he's his dad's too. In the shortest period of time I will start having him here just every other week. And even though I will be travelling back and forth to another place when he's not here I still don't feel ready. But will I ever be ready? Does anyone ever get ready to let the responsibility go?
He's been all mine, all my responsibility for three years, and even more than that counting the months I was his protection, carrying him around in my body. No, I will never be ready. Just as I wasn't ready to let his dad take him for a couple of hours to go to an amusement park, but I got used to that. Now I like the freedom and what it feels like to relax for a weekend when he stays at his dad's house. I like missing him and getting all filled with love when I get to see him again.
So I will get used to this. I will get used to sharing parenthood with someone else and L will have his dad as a parent and I know he will love it. They both will!
