mommychaos

I couldn't go the doctor today. I was not allowed to eat or take my medicine before testing and I think I planned it poorly because I got one of those episodes with the sphincter, and we all know I can't leave the house when I'm in pain. Now it's alright though and I've spent this day drinking coffee and sorting old papers and clothes. So this place still looks like shit but my file cabinet and my closet looks amazing. Priorities: Not my strongest side.

I have been listening to my biggest idol in singing: Lisa Nilsson. I remember that I cried (yes, the silent tears) when I heard her song Vem live at Circus in Stockholm a couple of years ago.

This song: Varje gång jag ser dig (Every time I see you) was one of my favourites as a child. That chubby girl with her ears sticking out from her hair didn't believe the bullies when we put her album from '92 on in the car. I firmly believed that someone would feel for me, as she did for that man in the song. I believed that someone would see my qualities once I got older and my childish nose got more mature, my hair got thicker and I got blue eyes like everybody else. Now I like those pictures of me from when I was little. My chubby nose is the same, and Leon has got the exact same one. My hair is short so it can't misbehave on me and my eyes will always be green and I'm kind of thankful I didn't grow out of that. I'm comfortable in my own skin and with my mind. I guess that horrible year in Germany was something that will always stick with me, made me a bit more humble, and lord knows I needed that.



Bex, 1984.