Crack in the wall
The rain is still falling and the wind is so hard that I almost broke my umbrella on my way home earlier. You can see the disappointment that is written on everyone's faces that the sun left us this early. Well, on everyone's faces except for mine. I love sitting here looking out of my window at the trees blowing in the wind. When a really big drop of rain hits my window and it rolls down it, slowly, changing direction as it goes it reminds me of those silent tears people with too much pride let out. I've let those kind of tears roll down my cheeks these last few weeks. Not for him, they were there earlier, but what I went through with him triggered this. I've been fighting to keep my walls up because I have to stay strong to get myself through this disease. My invisible walls will protect me and my child from people who has got nothing in them but malice. I feel stupid and naive for letting someone inside those walls but the first time he took my hand and led me over the street, he made a small hole in the wall that gradually got bigger with every kiss he gave me. Now it's time to fill that hole and make my wall strong and solid again.
I'm not weak and I'm not an emotional masochist. I'm a single mother that works hard to give my son everything. I take care of myself and I'm fighting a disease and I'm good at it. I'm a good fighter so I won't let love break me down. How stupid would that be?!
Writing has always made me feel at ease, mellow... happy.
