just heartbroken
I need you all now. I need him most of all but now he's gone and therefore I need my friends even more. I need to think about something else and I need you to not even allow me to talk about this. Is there anything more to say?? I wanted nothing more but I didn't get it, so what? Move on like he's doing and don't be a wimp, don't be weak. So I'm putting on that mask, the one I didn't want to put on again. I've been naked for a while now but it's coming on again and I don't want to fall in love again, I don't want to fall in love ever again, never ever again will I fall in love.
Fuck love and all the emotions and how it makes your heart feel all warm and strong and then something happens, someone makes a rash decision and it all goes away. I don't want it again, never again will I let myself fall in love and I will never put my guard down again. I will let my little man get all my love because no other man will ever get it. I won't tell another man I love him, be swept away with all of it when it was just doomed to end anyways. I'm being ripped apart from the inside and I can't stop it, I can't make it go away. He feels the same way but still there's nothing to do to make it better and I hate us for it, I hate us for not solving it. I hate myself for not going over there, showing him how amazing it would be. But fuck it, fuck amazing and fuck love. Fuck love because I don't want to fall in love again, I don't want to fall in love ever again, never ever again will I let myself and my stupid fucking heart do this to me. Never ever ever ever again.
There's nothing in comparison but I will get over it, some day. But what I will never do is to let myself be this happy for something again. I was happy about the future, about loving someone who loved me back, but without repeating myself; Fuck love! I don't want to fall in love again, I will never LET myself fall in love again and I will never let my walls fall down. Don't hold another hand, don't get butterflies from his smile, don't laugh at his jokes and don't let him fucking in!!! Easy: Don't love.
